On Exercise and Other Fads

Did you know that the number one way to prevent depression is exercise?  I have never been accused of being a couch-potato; I can’t even find the couch, it is camouflaged with books, pillows, DVD’s, discarded clothing, soccer cleats, popcorn, empty juice boxes, stuffed animals, ball gloves and laundry waiting to be folded.  And the mere fact that I have children, who I have been lifting, hugging, tickling, chasing, coaching, playing and wrestling with for 14 years – beat that exercise program!

But, lately I have been tuning into my health and wellbeing more than ever before – you would too, if you woke up one morning and found that the number of kids calling you Mom had doubled almost overnight. Wellbeing is a somewhat new-age word, describing what our parents probably simply referred to as happiness. Have you ever wondered what the opposite of wellbeing is?

Interestingly, the opposite of both ‘healthy’ and ‘well’ is unwell: ill, poorly, sick, ailing, while the opposite of happiness is unhappiness: sorrow, misery and gloom.  Unwell and its synonyms have such a feeling of permanency, while unhappiness and its synonyms feel like temporary, changeable emotional states.  The valley between well and unwell looms large, while the shift between happiness and unhappiness feels like the swing of a pendulum. 

Many moments in my daily living illustrate the unseen teeter-totter between well and unwell.  For example, this morning Faven couldn’t find one of her library books that she needed to return to school.  I gave her some guidance on where to find it, like the thoughtfully wall-mounted file labeled “library books”, or the (again) labeled cloth bag, or her bedroom, or the living room, or…… the dog’s bed!  I told her it was her responsibility to take care of her books, and that if she didn’t have it on library day, it was a problem that she was going to have to face. 

She bellowed at me, with untethered fury, “It’s not my problem!”

 “Oh”, I curiously asked, “whose problem is it?”

“It’s your fault!” she scathingly accused, with tears of anger running down her cheeks.

At that moment, I should have stopped to breathe (and empathize)…. but, I didn’t.  I ranted, I raved, I (gulp) raised my voice, and then I experienced a searing pain down my right shoulder blade and straight into my hip.  I dropped to the floor, and felt nauseous and dazed.

Now THAT, is what it feels like to experience a moment of ailing-being. Hours later, I still have the pain in my back, and can’t fully bend over; but it is the fleeting thought that I have failed as a mother that has the power to sustain the feeling that I am ailing – to press the teeter-totter to the ground, indefinitely. To put the teeter-totter back in balance requires intention to overcome a heavy weight, while allowing the pendulum to swing back towards happiness asks that you only let go.

I concluded long ago, that exercising your muscles can only take you so far.  The muscles may hold you up, but it is the brain that has to signal you to move forward. I have been increasing the amount I am exercising weekly, yet it was my kids who made me ‘hit the wall’, it was my own inner thoughts and feelings that ‘brought me to my knees’.  Maybe health and wellbeing can only take you so far.  I think that this afternoon, while the kids are at school, I am going to drink a bottle of wine, eat all the kids Easter chocolate and watch an X-rated movie.  I’ll let you know how that goes.